I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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