Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
