Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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