I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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