I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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