I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
