so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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