im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
