I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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