so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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