Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
