Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
