i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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