yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
