Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize