I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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