If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
