You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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