Soap is not a condiment
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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