this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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