I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
