Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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