just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
