if you like me you must not know who I am
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
