She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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