the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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