ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
