He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
