I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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