batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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