if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
