dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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