yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
