I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
