i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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