I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
