Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
