Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
