i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
