Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
