Buhtt sex?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
