wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
