I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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