I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
