remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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