I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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