Your tits are I can't wait for
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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