I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
