Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
