My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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