dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
