Already got asked if we're dating
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
