Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
