God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize