he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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