I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
