I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
