just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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