mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
