What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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