I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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