so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In other news, I just burned my penis
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
