On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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